WTF IS GOING ON
I just read megs od and something is wrong, I have no fucking clue what its about either, I cant stop fucking crying because i keep reading it over and over looking at the things she said. I want to know what the fuck is going on because I have no idea. IF i lose her over nothing I swear to god i am going to end it all. I am sick right now, my dad just walked out again, my parents keep arguing, i pulled a muscle in my back and it hurts like hell, and now somethign up with meg. WTF is going on, either someone is making stuff up about me or someone wants me to die.

MY HEART HAS BEEN BROKEN AND MY MIND IS SUFFERING
The worst thing that could possibly happens to me happens tonight......Megan left me, worse than death itself. Now all at once, I have to deal with a broken heart that can never heal unless I am with her, my parents threatening me and yelling at me and ridiculing me, school soon so I will be getting pissed off by the immature people in my school, i have to deal with all the other things on my mind as well. Meg said something tonight she had no right to say, she said maybe if I tried to communicate with my family more.... well guess what, I tried ok?! They dont understand me and do not like the same things as I do so she had no right to say that, she doesnt know them, I will use that excuse since she used it. And she calls me a complete stranger, I dont know how she could say that to me. I guess that makes everyone you never met over the internet a stranger too, huh meg. OMFG I am so ready just to tear my organs out of my body. I CANT TAKE BEING LIKE THIS AGAIN, ALL ALONE , NOTHING, NO ONE, JUST MY SORROW, HATRED AND ALL OF MY FUCKING PROBLEMS WITH NO ONE TO HELP ME THROUGH IT AND I CANT GO THROUGH IT ALONE! except this time when I am alone its different. I have to live with something that will never go away, its torturing me right now, but I want it. My love for Meg is whats going to be with me forever, its killing me right no though since she didnt want me. She seems to really hate me, saying I dont know her and I never will and everything is my fault. Nothing in my life has ever gone right, everything has always left me or turned on me. Everyone wants me to see things their way, but when I give my view they just throw it aside like it doesnt matter. What is wrong with just wanting your own gf to yourself, just having them hug you and showing you affection, like kisses and hugs. And just wanting them to dance with you and no one else, I mean if they want to go dance with people then why not just go with someone else to dances and their prom. Just wanting your gf to show only you that special kind of love in a relationship, is that so much to ask, I dont think it is, but I wasnt shown that during the last month or so. I never did anything like going behin dher back or hugging other girls or flirting or wanted to dance with them. Sure I have friends that are girls but they are jsut friends, that I hardly even talk to. And on her birthday she got jealous over another girl because she showed me her cat, and she yelled at me because she didnt want to put up with me getting jealous, maybe I wouldnt get jealous if she didnt do things to make me jealous. Maybe I shoul have just let her do whatever she wanted to do even if I wasnt happy. I just dont know if I could have lived like that though. I havent stayed up this late in a while, usually I go to bed with her cause she asks me, and I did so because itmade her happy, and it made me feel really good when she told me she likes it when she knows I am sleeping with her when she is.9 months, the best of my life and if we ever dont get back togehter, they will always be the best 9 months and I would always live in the past crying at home when I am older thinking about how I had everything i ever wanted. I got my hair dyed black so I could look better for her so she would think I was good looking when i got a picture of me for her. I was going t go to the mall or the drug store and get a camera so I could surprise her with a picture of me this week, well might as well forget that. I have so many things on my mind and no one to talk to about it. I cant look at myself in the mirror because I see my eyes and they reflect all of my sadness. I think this time I am broken, maybe to the point where I cant be fixed. Life sucks when you have to go around pretending to be someone else at school because people would hate the real you, thats what this generation is now, people pretending to be someone else, and I have fell into that category once again when I tried so hard not to. I am actually scared to death for the first time in a while, I dont know myself anymore, and a part of me is missing. 6 hours until I have to go to band practice, the funny thing is too that I could probably stay here this whole time and keep typing. Hey Jerry, I want to say something to you, we havent always been the best of friends, and I know you understand why, you even told me you understand, and to tell you the truth, I actually liked you too when you werent trying to piss me off, when you were being someone who was nice to me, I really liked being around you. Rose, thank you for being such a good friend, you were always here for me when I needed someone to talk to. And Ash, my best friend, Thank you so very much for always being there for me and helping me along the way, without you I wouldhave seriously hurt myself tons of times, I remember when you hated me, kinda funny now huh. Sorry for blowing you off all those times, I hope you forgive me, your my best friend, and I do miss you. Lets see if I am forgetting anyone........no , I think thats all. Its hard sometimes when your gf would behaving fun with other guys and partially ignore you, and talk about them a good bit, got me jealous but you cant blame me. I know I did some things wrng in the relationship as well, I thought she was ok with it since she saidit was, it was out of love to just try and keep us from getting in so many fights and for that incident to not happen again, just kinda scared I wasnt the best and most interesting person to be with. Well I just want all the people who saythey love me to know that I care about you too, even if I dont show it much, I just kinda have a hard time showing it sometimes. Especially you Meg, I loveyou more than life itself, and well, I will be thinking of you everyday all the time. Busy week this week, 3 parades to play in for band, band practice everyday, gotta clean the house by myself or I will get yelled at, dont worry I will even if i cleaned the whole damn house from top to bottom, inside and out. The sides of my mouth are cut from shaving, my mouth hurts, my toes and fingers are bleeding, got a few cat scratches. I dont feel right anymore, well I guess your sick of me rambling on, just like alot of other people. Well blog, see you, till next time.

WELL THIS SUCKS.....
Well today was going good. I made meg happy last night on her birthday, i am happy i did, shes the ebst girl in the world =D my faithful fluffa, and me is her faithful chunka =D. Well Jerry totally pissed me off, he doesnt take responsibility for anything he does. Rose is scared of me too, she blocked me, thats all i need, one less friend. Jerry was talking about something fun he did yesterday and its pissing me fof cause he wont tell me, and he keeps making me think its meg, but me doesnt beleive him. I only beleive my Meg. Well I dont know if I am going to the mall and walmart now. its already alomst 7. well i better go, I am feeling so lonely right now, and hurt.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY SWEET ANGEL
I havent updated in a LONG time and I need a new layout. Its my gf Meg's birthday, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! I love her so much and I wanna make her the happiest girl ever. I am kinda afraid of one thing though.... Her Mom was so mean to her last night, I hate it when she treats my fluffa like that. holds my fluffa* its ok I am here for you. We can spend some time together tonight, just you and me ^__^. I will try to have those things ready tonight for you, if not I will get them as soon as possible, and I will send your birthday present soooooon. Your the best girl, I couldnt wish for anyone better. I love you, you are my life.

I BEEN HAVING A GOOD TIME =D
Well to start off, i will have to say my wekk last wee and this beggingin of this week coulnt get any WORSE, well yes it could but you know what i mean. First off my gf almost leaves me and we fought for a good bit, about guys and all this other stuff, but we worked it out so thats good. I still feel bad about that stuff though. Well tonight Meg invited Ash over cause she is moving and she wants to do stuff with her and i comletely understand that. But she tells me she wants just me and her to talk tonight and they just ditch me and dont come back for an hour. I really needed someone to talk to and they got all smart with me and acted like I did something. So i acted a little smart and so they leave. Of course everything was my fault. I got yelled at by my parents all night as usual for no reason. My fingers got cut and i bled all over the keyboard and my blanket and they still are. Well i will get back to your wednsday.

SORRY I HAVEN'T MADE AND ENTRY IN A WHILE
Yeah well things have been going on and stuff so yeah. I have been getting jealous because Calvin likes Meg, and i glad Meg said she would block him if he says something again. Well tomorrow is the first day i met Megan, its going to be just me and her tomorrow, it will be fun, I LOVE MY FLUFFALUF =O MIIIIIINE!!!!! We will prolyl voice and stuff liek that, it will be fun though. Ash is moving too, i dont really want her to move but i cant do anythign about it, plus i know Meg will miss her, they are best friends. I had to cut grass today >> tis sucked, i was all sweaty(^__~ meg likes that though) and i like almost fell asleep, that wouldnt be good cause it was so hot and i would get dehydrated ;-; then i would be sick and would not get to see my Meggie for a few days. well thats all i did today T____T meg come back and come on so i can talk with you. well see ya.

I AM SO LONELY
T____T Fluffa went to a party, me wants her to come back cause me misses her. Well since she did something i might as well go over a friends house. I was so worried about meg last night, she might have broke her toe, i was really worried and i still am. Oh yeah Ash got her hair cut, i think its looks pretty good, people were saying it looks bad but i dont think it does at all. Well, i better go and see if any of my friends are busy. See ya.

TO THE BEST WIFE IN THE WORLD
;-; fluffa you are the best ever. Your pretty, nice, fun, interesting, extremely cute and the besterest. I have a great times with you all the time and i am glad to be yours. When i am with you i feel safe and whole, i have the feeling from when we first met and it never went away and never will, my love for you grows all the time. You have been through so many hardships and you have survived them nd i tried my best to help you through them. You are always here for me no matter what, you go out of your way for me and i go out of the way for you, and thats how it should be and being with you has been a dream come true. When i am with you its like being in a dream come true, one that i have always wished would come true. My dream has true, being with you. kiss* love you meg, and i always will.

CONTINUED.......
I love meg so much, i never mean to hurt her. I am a bad bf, i wish i could make her feel so much better, shes the best girl in the world. I love her so much, shes the best, shes so beautiful, nice, interesting, funny and just the all around greatest. I would do anythign for her no matter what. i hope she forgives me, i am talkign to her right now, i love her soo so much. Our one year anniversary of us knowing each other is coming next thursday. ;-; me loves her.

I REALLY MESSED THINGS UP
I messed things up, i just had to open my mouth. I am sorry, and i really love her so much. I just wish i could make her happier, she deserves so much. i will finish this entry later.

MM HI EVERYONE
I got pics of my Megan today, she is so gorgeous. I cant wait to see more pics of her. I had a pretty bad day till i got on to talk wif meg. I had to work all day again. Well i not in such a good mood now, i think meg is having more fun with other people since she isnt talking to me now, maybe i should go.

T___T TODAY WAS THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE(NOT REALLY CAUSE THERE WERE....WORSE BUT YEA
Well it all started from when i got up, i was so tired cause i got no sleep cause i was up thinking bout stuff and i had to get up early. I wrote my last entry to meg and she liked it and i glad cause i really meant it. Well, i got a new PSM magazine and there are alot of game si have to buy this fall and beggining of next year, like 12 or them @__@ and i had to cut my sisters grass and everythign was going wrong. I got cut by my weed wacker and it hurt and burned like hell. I got yelled so much cause i was talkign back cause they was blaming stuff on me when it wasnt my fault saying i did notign all day and was useless T___T. Then i got shampoo in my eye cand it burned so bad ><. It was the worst luck i have had in a while. Then i just got done talking with meg and ash, and i kind upsetted them , should have saw it coming, i always ruin stuff and i am worthless so yea. I really love Meg and Ash is my best friend, if i were ot lose them i sweari would kill myself on the spot. Meg is a really good gf, she listens to me and keeps her promises, not many girls do that and i really love her. Ash is a really great friend and has helped me in so many hard times, and i really thank her for that. T___T i hope they dont hate me now. cries irl* i thinki should go to bed. goodnight pita.

THIS IS FOR YOU MEG
Its been almost a year since me and Meg have met and its been the start of my new life when i did and she saved me. Ever since i first met her i knew i had to be with her and i loved her with all my heart. We have been together for 8 months and from those 8 months we had good times and bad time, but i will tell you one thing, my love for her has only grown. She puts up with me alot, i know i am not the best but she loves me anyways and that makes me feel really good. She keeps her promises to me and it shows she is someone i can rely on and trust and thats important. I love her so much ,i wish i could do more for her. And i want her to know this, I love you Meg, more than anything, i will always remain faithful to you and will always love you nd hold my promises for you. Sorry i cant be on today, i will try to come on late tonight. Dont forget, you are always with me even when we arent close to each other. Love you forever and i hope i can satisfy you. Love Shaun.

MY LIFE HAS LOOKED UP AND IS STAYING UP
I am so happy, me and meg finally worked things out and we is going to be just fine. I did have to work today so that sucked to the fifth power(=/ i hate math). And when i came back me and meg voice chated cause my mommy wasnt home. I am SHIRTLESS RIGHT NOW XD!! WHOAO O O O O! Meg and Ash are gonna be friends again YAY! I cant wait till i go there and all of us can hang out and go bowling and do stupid stuff, ALL THREE OF US NO THIRD WHEELS =/. Well thats all for now, meg is giving me a bck massage =D gots go, see ya my loyal fans XD.

I THINK EVERYTHIGN MAY BE BACK TO NORMAL
I think everything is going back to normal, there is just one thing i am concerned about, not sure if it is true or not and i expect meg to tell the truth and i know she will cause i trust her with all my heart. But i just have to know the truth, if its a yes i will be kinda dissapointed and a little upset but if its a no then i know i am able to keep on trusting, but i want the truth cause if i was ever lied to and found out i would be so mad. But this is something that has already happened and i would give one last chance if it is true, Cause she promised never to go there but forgot but i remembered her and she promised me with all her heart and she promised never to talk to him again even on tagboards, and i totally trust her to my fullest. well i going to go to bed see ya everyone.

ME NO WANT ASH TO MOVE, SHES MY BEST FRIEND AND >< SHE ISNT MOVING
Well Ash doesnt know if she is moving yet and i hope she isnt, shes cool and is a great person. We havent been able to talk much since neither of us has been on as much as we used to. We talked some tonight but it was only for a little while and i want to talk to her more. Well i hope she doesnt move, so when i go to Iowa me,Meg and Ash can go act crazy together. Meg and Ash should be friends again, they do belong with each other they are so alike and sometimes they forget how much they mean to each other. Well i am going to add another entry after this one so stay tuned. And Ash if you are reading this >< DONT MOVE!

ME HAS HEADACHE =/
Me has a headache and i dont have any medicine for it =/ figures. Well me and meg had a day of arguing again for some of it, but i think we will be better now. I had to cut the freakin grass, twas very annoying cause my dad was watching me the whole time picking about everything. >< he makes me so freaking mad. Well i havent been feeling good for obvious reasons but i think i can be happy now ^___^. I loff my fluffa so much. I am so lucky to be wif her. And i not afraid to say it. I LOOOOOOOVEEEEEEE FLUFFFFFFAAAAALUFFFFFF!!! DID YOU HEAR IT INTERNET ,, ITS TRUE!! ;-; no go to the beach fluffa, i want talk wif you tonight. well i go talk to fluffa. later everyone!

-____-; SIGH, WHY CANT I BE HAPPY
Everything is messing up, i should have known it, i can never stay happy, everytime i get happy something always brings it down. I am really depressed, i was seeing things last night, everythign was moving except for me. I think shes gonna leave me, everything looks like its going back to the way it was when we used to fight all the time, and if that happens, things aren't going to work out. I was worried about all this stuff and still am, but i think its going to happen. I am going to end up alone. I cant write anymore right now, so everyone fuck off.

I MISS MY FLUFFA
T____T she went to camp, i miss her, i want her to come back now >< or esle. ^___^ just kidding fluffa, i hope you have fun but i does really miss you T___T. Come back ;-;.I am prolly going to add another entry soon, so read this stuff ^__^. i miss my fluffa ;-;.

YAY ME AND MEG IS HAPPY AGAIN!!
I am so happy, me and her worked things out. I should have beleived her before, cause she really wasnt talkign to him ^___^. Yea me and her told Jerry off, then Jerry sent an email for her to talk behind my back and she isnt going to do it. I told Jerry off pretty good, i hate him so bad. Well what matters is me and fluffaluf are better now ^___^ She is at the beach right now and should be back in like 2 or so hours. well i gonna go do something till them BYE BYE ^__^.

;-; NO MOVE ASH
My very good friend ash may be moving to Las Vegas, me no want her to move, she will forget bout me if she moves. Well i hope she dont move. =/ no move ash, or i will...uh...make you not move ><.

You consume me, moving through me, everytime,any place you invade my space, you consume me
well it seems something bad has happend again, i just dont know what to beleive, because last time , she still talked to him when she told me she wasnt, but when she gets on if you says she really isnt and it is the truth, i will beleive her. I just dont want to feel the pain again, all the darkness moving through me and consuming me. I wouldnt be able to take it. If things start up again like this then i dont know whats going to happen. Last night i lost like almost all control, i was shaking and getting so angry because of the feelings buried inside that no one knows abaout, they resurfaced and took control of me, it was tearing me apart. I cried so much last night, luckily my parents didnt hear me because it was a little louder then usual. That was probably the most intense feelings of pain i have felt emotionally. Well thats enough for this entry, i am going to go down my sisters bf's and play some games. Well signing out.

ME LAYOUT CAPTAIN!!!
So how do you like my layout(copies blues clues) Me too XD. I will have videogame news on here every once in a while. How do you like my layout, FLUFFALUF MADE IT AND I AM SO HAPPY!!!! ^___^ I cant wait to start more entries. I had a pretty good day and a not so good night, but its better now. well its kinda late i better go to bed.

I will be adding more entries
Well my layout is done, my fluffaluf got it done today ^____^ so when i get it i will be posting more, i have to learn some html so bear with me on the horridity of my pita at first, well later.

well um first entry -___-;
well nothing much here, i will get alot of info up later and MY MEGGIE is making me a layout since i suck in html -___-; well i will get info up alot more once i learn some html and stff like that well i give info on me later too, you can tell i am new to this caus eof my poor speech ^____^